The holidays can be a time of connection, but they can also be a time of activation, trauma, and grief. For many, this is a time for interacting with family, and for others celebrating the holiday without a loved one for the first time. If dealing with family, it is typical that certain family dynamics will arise, and buttons will get pushed which can ultimately lead to hurt feelings and sometimes harmful interactions. Whether your family feels dysfunctional or not, the best way to protect your peace is to prepare your mind ahead. When we recognize and accept the situation at hand, it makes it easier to put a self-care plan in place. The following 7 strategies are ones I have personally learned and used over time to help me during family visits to protect my emotional space so that I can be my best self for others.
1. Set your intention for the holidays.
a. Often times we go into a holiday season with our "already always" way of being. That is "I already know how it's going to be. I already know what they're going to say. That keeps you at the EFFECT. When you set your OWN positive intentions for how you will feel, be, do and act it put you at the source.
b. Keep the intentions focused on WHAT YOU WANT instead of what you don't want. If you focus on what you don't want, you will surely create it (some people call that a self-fulfilling prophecy). So focus your intentions (and state them) toward what you want.
2. Become aware of the dynamic in play.
a. We all have family dynamics, and often times its one that has played out over decades and since childhood. When we become aware of what the dynamic is, it gives us the power to take a step back and evaluate our next move.
3. Choose whether you will participate in or step out of the dynamic.
a. Most people put themselves at the effect of the family dynamics when in fact we have the option to choose once we know what's at play. Some dynamics (which are fun & supportive traditions) we may choose to participate in. Others (which may be toxic & unsupportive) we may choose not to. Pick which dynamics you want to be a part of, and
4. Make a plan for how you will exit unhealthy dynamics.
a, This is critical. When you find yourself being sucked into the dynamic, and you recognize it, if you have the plan to step out of it, your unconscious mind will thank you.
b. What you are essentially doing here is planning your self-care throughout that time. It will allow you to stay at your best for your family and will leave you much less drained by the end of the gathering.
5. Drop your expectations.
Expect something new from your family even if they haven't shown you anything different. Sometimes the mere positive expectation can change the energy of the space (mostly because it changes YOUR energy in the space).
6. Allow yourself to have fun!
a. Lean into the fun parts of the family when you can (it will help you to focus on what you appreciate about them even with the dynamic fluctuates in and out of a comfortable one)
b. Remember, by this time you have planned your self-care, so if having fun means you leave the house… do that.
c. Stay in gratitude the entire time if possible. Sometimes that means searching for the little things to be grateful for to keep yourself grounded in the bigger intention of what this time is for.
7. Use a lifeline
a. Call a friend, pull your partner to the side, and call your coach. If you need to send an SOS to your community to talk you off the ledge.
Remember planning is the key!
If you want to eliminate those buttons BEFORE the season starts so they do not get activated at all, schedule a discovery call w/ Dr. Maiysha to learn how.
Want to learn more? Want to master your inner voice? Interested in learning trauma-informed coaching & communication? Learn more about our Mind ReMapping NLP Certification, Coaching, and Time Line Therapy® Training. Click www.mindremappingacademy.com to start your journey.