Rapport & Communication

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The resistance to communication is actually a sign of a lack of rapport.

I remember one time I was driving into a parking deck and I bumped into this grumpy parking attendant. I got my ticket and paid him. He sort of shoved the parking ticket in my hand and we just went our separate ways.

I thought to myself "What is wrong with him? I didn't do anything!" I could've continued down that line of thinking, but thanks to my NLP training and some practices I know of, I was able to recognize my internal dialogue before going down that rabbit hole.

My mind then went on to wonder what this guy could have in his life that was making him so angry.

We've talked before about how people do the best they can with the resources they have. As I started walking from my car to the destination and I passed this guy. I had a piece of chocolate that I brought with me as a snack. I just stopped and said "Sir, it seems like you are having a bad day. I think this may cheer you up" while handling him the chocolate. "I really hope your day gets better."

He just looked at me in a weird way - which was totally understandable, not everyday a stranger walks up to you and gives you chocolate - and tried to resist, but at the end smiled and thanked me. He told me what was on his mind, what had happened that day and how people had been so rude to him over and over again.

I listened for a minute and acknowledged how frustrating it must have been for him. He then thanked me again and we waved goodbye. It made my day to think that I had made a huge difference on a person's day.

I didn't know it then, but I know it now. I established rapport and exercised behavioral flexibility in my communication.

What is Rapport? 

We've recently talked a lot about being powerful with our communication. Letting people know where we are coming from and observing/understanding others.

Rapport is a way people can connect at an unconscious level. Rapport refers to the bond between two or more human beings, the psychological and emotional tune that is necessary for changes to take place in any of the parts.

There are those who call it empathy, affinity, tuning or connection.

It also includes non-verbal language. It's a way of connecting with people, almost magically dissolving irritation and disappearing barriers or divisions. When you take 100% of responsibility of your communication, you realize there are no resistant listeners - only inflexible communicators. 

There Are No Resistant Listeners, Only Inflexible Communicators.  

A lot of times we want to blame other people for the way our communication turns out. Not coming across they way we wanted, being misinterpreted, someone getting mad…

Your question shouldn't be "Who's to blame?" - it should be "How can I be more flexible?". You should be able to look at the source of what happened in the communication, and learn how to establish a middle ground. A connection.

If you see a body movement or gesture that seem relevant, interpret them and act on them for the sake of balancing the conversation. 


Ready for positive belief change? Ready to get rid of the negative emotions, limiting beliefs and self doubt standing in the way of you living your best life?


Understanding the Meaning of Communication
Mastering Communication
 

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Friday, 30 October 2020